Let me start off with, this is going to be a long one, so take a seat. It’s been awhile since I’ve written, but a lot has been going on and after telling the umpteenth person that I need to blog about what’s been going on in my head and in life, my mind decided today was the day.
First things first, the word “skinny” from the title. Recently I’ve had several people, friends and not, call me – ME – “skinny”. This is not a word that has EVER been associated with me. Like, EVER people. So, I’ve been taken aback several times when it has been used to reference me. I’m flattered, don’t get me wrong. But again, my brain (I’ll talk more about my mental health in a bit) hasn’t fully caught up to my body and I’m just a little slow at times, so I’m shocked, humbled, and proud all at the same time when someone calls ME – yes, me – skinny.
January can pretty much be chalked up to the “month of being sick” which really sucks when you are trying to get healthy, but again some valuable life lessons were learned. I got shingles, which for the second time in my life sucked. There is no better way of putting it. My body freaked the F out. And once again, I was faced with not being able to exercise (excessive sweating is not recommended when you’ve got the shingles), but still wanting to maintain a healthy weight loss. So, I REALLY focused on my eating and food intake and the pounds came off. I had actually one of the best weight loss months in a long time and lost almost 10 lbs. What!? Yeah. It reaffirmed for me again that losing weight and being healthy is more about what you put in your mouth than it is about what you physically do.
Then February came and with the continued cold and no consistent exercise for almost a month, my laziness and old ways kicked in and mentally it’s been a struggle recently. My brain and motivation just stopped working. I’ve been counting calories and working on losing weight for almost 1.5 years now. I realize it’s just a blip on the radar of my life, but sometimes I’m just exhausted from doing it (mentally and physically). Then with the exhaustion, my anxiety kicks in. I get worried about obsessing about the scale, about my food intake, about exercising or NOT exercising, about what others think about me, about getting to the goals I set, and the anxiety list goes on and on (boo for anxiety brain). Plus, this month has been a lot of new changes in life personally. Mike started a job, Sam left her old preschool and started going to full time daycare (and don’t get me started on work stress). So with all the changes going on and a few heart to hearts with friends and myself, I got a renewed sense of why I started this journey and what I NEED out of it.
The pounds will come, but I’ve been re-motivated this week to find that strength again inside me. To focus on the fitness. To just feel healthy. Getting healthy isn’t all about counting calories, getting in X days of exercise. It’s the whole picture. It’s loving the body you are in today, but striving for an even better, healthier version of yourself.
But just so you still know…
Starting Weight: 317lbs
Current Weight: 186lbs
Goal Weight: 175lbs